When I splurge as a mom

I'm constantly running numbers in my head of how much my debt is, and when can I make my next payment. I've re-written how I am going to allocate my next paycheck every day this week to try to accommodate more savings, another debt payment, or that my phone bill was $20 over what I expected (and yes, I just don't have the disposable income to just pay it). But, there are some ways that I find I just can't don't want to cut.

1. Mid-range to expensive diapers. Cheap diapers, especially no-name, give my daughter rashes. Two years later, she still gets rashes from the cheaper diapers. It's not worth it to me to irritate her skin. I'm not buying specialty, but I am buying the middle price range brand name diapers.

2. Healthy food. This one usually messes with my head as my grocery budget seems to be one of the last areas I can cut. I have reduced this by simply going to the store less often (and I feel so guilty!) When I do go, I buy fresh produce, usually on sale. If there is something healthy my daughter wants, I'll usually get it for her. It doesn't seem right to fight with her over a good decision when I should be supporting her, and keeping my debt problems mine.

3. Child care. Again, I don't go overboard, and I have declined a very fancy daycare in the $1500+ range, but I am willing to pay for quality. My $1000/month daycare works out to be ~$225 a week. Very cost-effective for looking after the most precious thing in my life.

4. Clothes. About twice a year (and it soon will be less as her growth slows down) I stock up one clothes at sale prices online. I've been very lucky to get lots of hand-me-downs which has kept this number low, and I have a few good friends who buy my daughter wonderful, quality clothes. I like feeling like I can provide for her during those $100-$200 splurge purchases. And, baby socks disappear as fast as adult socks!

5. Park/activity passes. These have paid for themselves over and over. I love having a place to take her in the winter that isn't a mall. When she was a few months old, and it was too cold to be outside we would wander the malls. Even if I splurged once a week, a $4 cinnamon bun will add up. The park has been spendy lately with the ice cream trucks, but it's so much better for my budget (and controlling my wants) then wandering in a mall. Another bonus, I don't have to ignore shopping demons and instead focus on my daughter and making her laugh!

It's true all these decisions could add to money to pay down my debt faster, but an extra $5 on diapers, $10 on my grocery bill, $100 on safe, certified childcare, $40 on clothes and $45 on entertainment are well worth the small annual cost for the daily benefit in our lives.

Parent Busy

I think everyone knows that kids are a huge life change. I used to see co-workers, or family member say that they couldn't do this or that because of the kids, and I swore that I was not going to let that happen to me.

After graduate school, I felt like I almost had too much time. I worked full-time, ran 5-6 times a week (ranging from 30 minutes to 1.5 hour runs), dropped in on sports weekly, took 3-4 yoga classes a week, kept my house sparkling, maintained my yard, walked my dog daily, would do weight work outs at home, put several hours into WoW weekly, had friends I would see often, and I would just go shopping or hiking for hours (or a full day if I was hiking). And I still had down time!

Now, I can barely answer a text message within 2 days. I feel a bunch busier, but I don't feel like I'm getting nearly as much done. Perhaps it is because I have to make nutritious meals every night. My before work runs have turned into helping keep a 2-year-old from spilling milk every where, and insisting she keep her clothes on. In place of physical activity every day, I'm spending two-three hours on bedtime starting from bath to pajamas to stories to just staying in the room training her to sleep on her own. I love it, and I love her. It is hard to see how much my life has been redefined without my say. I'm busy, but it's just not the same as before. During the bedtime routine, I can't text someone back. That would be stealing from my daughter, or placing my phone at risk to end up in the tub ;) My downtime has become the time to do chores, which seem to be exponentially larger from the tornado of toddler. Yes, she does help, and I do get her to put her toys away but I'm not going to use harsh cleaning chemicals when she is awake. I'm located farther from work, and I know I'm losing about 8-10 hours of time I used to have just by being in a vehicle. I'm working on changing this but it's my reality for now.

I know as she grows up, the balance of time invested in her will decrease and the time I can invest in myself will increase. But for now, I'm parent busy. I'm hoping my investment will be returned with a great relationship when she's 8, 15, or 22. I want a strong connection with her, and if that means I only run 2 times this week and the laundry piles up, I will pay that price.

How do you or did you balance going from being busy to parent busy without losing yourself and your friends?