Fresh as a daisy, I get up up at 6 am (5:30 if the husband equilivant needs to leave early for work) and put a 45 minute work out in, maybe expressing some breast-milk before a cardio workout to reduce the pain and build up the storage in the freezer. After a quick shower, the newborn wakes up and feeds. The toddler wakes up shortly before 8am.
I feed the toddler breakfast and start some chores (Laundry, prep for dinner) between sips of coffee and checking emails. After she eats we either run our errands quickly and efficently or go out to play. I am able to get lunch served at ready at 11:45am. All three of us have a nap after lunch, and I wake up to do more chores - say fold the laundry, sweep the floors, wash the walls. If the day is nice, we go out for a walk, or stay inside and play with toys, colour and read books. I feed the baby quickly, and am able to make a tasty and healthly dinner complete with dessert ready for soon after the husband comes home. Dishes are done, left-over put away, and tables cleaned up immideatly after. The kiddos get to bond with dad while I relax. Bath time, teeth brushing and pajama story time are next and without a fuss the toddler goes to sleep before 7:30. I spend another 15-30 minutes cleaning, 30 minutes with the husband feeding the baby and prepare for bed at 8:30 pm including basic care like face-washing and teeth brushing. I'm alseep by 9 pm, up without problems to feed the baby again at midnight, and maybe again at 5 am - ready to work out on the next morning.
....
....
...
My reality?
Much more chaotic and sleep deprived. Less workouts, more messes. Attempts to remember everything I have do, lucky if I get one done. Groccery shopping in a complete haze. Trying to tell the toddler to stop emptying the whole tube of lotion, eating all the oranges, re-arranging all the shoes, ripping up floor boards while I try to feed the baby for what feels like the 3rd time that hour. Wiping baby puke off my face with my sweater and getting the toddler "the big ones" to distract her from trying to revert to nursing again. Spending two hours juggling the two kids while one has gas and needs a good burp that can't happen because the other repeats non-stop "I don't wanna go to my rooooooooom". Waiting for the husband equilivent to come home so that I just might be able to go to the potty in peace without a chant of "Mommy, don't close the door!!". Constantly checking my bank accounts/loan account and trying to see if I can put just a little bit more on my debt that month. Staring at the pile of laundry, looking at the clock of 1 am, and deciding a few hours of sleep are far more important than a clean house. Barely getting my contacts out and hitting the pillow before the baby wakes up to nurse, which wakes the toddler. Every morning the husband is home, I'm so, so , so grateful for the extra 30 minutes of sleep he gives me by watching the kids.
It's going to be awhile until I get those 6 am runs to the lake in...
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Anxiety
It's amazing how much time just being sad can take up. I had a rather large moment of anxiety this morning. I thought it had only stumbled on a few moments of my day. The clock, however, indicated that over one hour of my precious morning time had been stolen. In the words of the Price is Right: "That's too much!". I'm concerned about what will happen to my finances, my relationships (including with the boyfriend and my daughter), my job, my routines, etc. when I begin maternity leave. Which could be any day now... Scary!
I feel like I am starting to get a good financial plan in, and I've been chucking money into my savings, hopefully to prevent me from having to use any credit until my EI comes in. I am also aware I can't do a complete budget until then, so I am thinking wisely, and make mental notes of what is a "need" and what is a "want". This can sometimes leads to spiraling because there are so many things I need to buy (food, gas, certain child care items, daycare, minimum loan payments, RRSP contributions, ...) and so many more that I want to buy (subscriptions, more food, birthday presents, household items, organizational items, ...). This sometimes leads to negative thoughts spiraling as I tend to focus on how I may have picked one or two "wants" in place of a "need" eventually becoming something along the lines of "I am such a failure, I don't deserve anything including happiness or respect. I am nothing but my failures which indicated by the amount of debt I have, and how little I am putting towards it". It can get as dark as "I don't deserve my child, she deserves someone better to be her mom.". Worse of all, awful negative sentiments from my daughter's father from when he wanted me to abort the baby will enter my mind and they are the most untrue and hard thoughts to get out! Keeping in mind that I have been put over 50% of my salary on debt, paid off $10,000+ credit card debt, and dealt with some major life changes in the past 24 months, I should have nothing but confident I can do this.
Obviously, I haven't been able to cope as effectively as I would like. I do not want to keep wasting my time (and likely my health) worrying this much about my financial future. I think I need to re-employ a few tasks that have helped in the past.
1. Set aside time for worry
2. Start journaling my worries
3. Follow with a list of three great things in my life
4. Focusing on the moment, and all the things I might be missing.
5. Revise my thought patterns. Stop spiraling before it begins.
For example, I am trying to turn it from.. "I am so in debt, I can't afford anything" to "I'm so thankful, I have had a change to pay off as much debt as I have". Or change "I wish I could buy that. Why did I make so many mistakes" to "I've made some hard choices, and I'm very glad I paid extra on my line of credit this month". Or "I'm going to be in debt forever. I should give up and buy this. Why does it even matter?" to "I'm not going to let myself still be paying off my student loans when I'm 40. I'm going to crush those suckers!".
Most of the time, I really do feel lucky. I am going to be proactive to make sure it stays most of the time. Life is beautiful. I intend on seeing it that way.
Are you able to tell when you anxieties are starting to interfere with your life? How to do change it around to focus on the good?
I feel like I am starting to get a good financial plan in, and I've been chucking money into my savings, hopefully to prevent me from having to use any credit until my EI comes in. I am also aware I can't do a complete budget until then, so I am thinking wisely, and make mental notes of what is a "need" and what is a "want". This can sometimes leads to spiraling because there are so many things I need to buy (food, gas, certain child care items, daycare, minimum loan payments, RRSP contributions, ...) and so many more that I want to buy (subscriptions, more food, birthday presents, household items, organizational items, ...). This sometimes leads to negative thoughts spiraling as I tend to focus on how I may have picked one or two "wants" in place of a "need" eventually becoming something along the lines of "I am such a failure, I don't deserve anything including happiness or respect. I am nothing but my failures which indicated by the amount of debt I have, and how little I am putting towards it". It can get as dark as "I don't deserve my child, she deserves someone better to be her mom.". Worse of all, awful negative sentiments from my daughter's father from when he wanted me to abort the baby will enter my mind and they are the most untrue and hard thoughts to get out! Keeping in mind that I have been put over 50% of my salary on debt, paid off $10,000+ credit card debt, and dealt with some major life changes in the past 24 months, I should have nothing but confident I can do this.
Obviously, I haven't been able to cope as effectively as I would like. I do not want to keep wasting my time (and likely my health) worrying this much about my financial future. I think I need to re-employ a few tasks that have helped in the past.
1. Set aside time for worry
2. Start journaling my worries
3. Follow with a list of three great things in my life
4. Focusing on the moment, and all the things I might be missing.
5. Revise my thought patterns. Stop spiraling before it begins.
For example, I am trying to turn it from.. "I am so in debt, I can't afford anything" to "I'm so thankful, I have had a change to pay off as much debt as I have". Or change "I wish I could buy that. Why did I make so many mistakes" to "I've made some hard choices, and I'm very glad I paid extra on my line of credit this month". Or "I'm going to be in debt forever. I should give up and buy this. Why does it even matter?" to "I'm not going to let myself still be paying off my student loans when I'm 40. I'm going to crush those suckers!".
Are you able to tell when you anxieties are starting to interfere with your life? How to do change it around to focus on the good?
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
My biggest temptation: Lululemon
I think it's no secret to those who know me my biggest stress coping mechanism has come from Lululemon. It was never a problem until I emotionally fell apart, and started using my love of lulu (which is really strong) to help push me in the right direction. Even then, it wasn't so bad. At first. But, it did get out of hand. I know this because I have/had over 40 items listed on eBay that I haven't even taken the tags off. Almost all acquired innocently, and with good intentions.
I refused the brand for the longest time, and one of my boyfriends pushed me for years to try. He eventually just started buying me items from the causal line. A remix hoodie, some amazing knee socks, short shorts for my pole dancing class. This was back in 2007. By 2009, I bought my first running tights, technical shirt and a sports bra that (OMG) fit! I was hooked, mostly because I wanted to do more physical activity JUST to wear the clothes. I was (and still am to a lesser extent) very strict on only wearing my athletic clothes for athletic activities.
But now, I want need to get myself out of debt. Because much of my debt source comes from an emotional burden, I feel I would do best to clear it, and start fresh. A couple years of pushing myself, seeking to better myself psychologically, and growing stronger. I think it's important for my well being to get back to where I was when it all started to fall apart. I think I still mention everyday that I had over $30,000 in savings on the day my daughter was born. Then I start spiraling into focusing on how I am now in $50,000+ of debt.
I've stayed away from Lululemon and many wonderful bloggers for a while, but I crashed last week. I found out last night that the black (and regular) camo speed shorts were to be uploaded last night. And the matching energy bra (my favorite before the baby for running). It was a rough night.
I refused the brand for the longest time, and one of my boyfriends pushed me for years to try. He eventually just started buying me items from the causal line. A remix hoodie, some amazing knee socks, short shorts for my pole dancing class. This was back in 2007. By 2009, I bought my first running tights, technical shirt and a sports bra that (OMG) fit! I was hooked, mostly because I wanted to do more physical activity JUST to wear the clothes. I was (and still am to a lesser extent) very strict on only wearing my athletic clothes for athletic activities.
But now, I
I've stayed away from Lululemon and many wonderful bloggers for a while, but I crashed last week. I found out last night that the black (and regular) camo speed shorts were to be uploaded last night. And the matching energy bra (my favorite before the baby for running). It was a rough night.
But I got through it.
And I think it's time to be proud of myself, and focus on how I should will be able to get my baby student loan to under $4000 this month. Which is going to feel much better than a pair of new shorts. That I might not even be able to wear for a year. Have I mentioned I currently have more pairs of shorts than days over 20 degrees Celsius where I live?
What can get you to forget your goals and spend money like it's out of style? How do you fight your temptations?
Monday, June 30, 2014
Christmas Budgeting
My budgets are pretty tight as I've set some goals for debt payment and I want to get my savings to $1000 and my EF to $750 before October. One of these accounts is at $0, the other at a very modest $200.
Why have I set October as my deadline?
I'm due to have a baby sometime that month. And while I live in a country that amazing provides unemployment during most of the first year, I still have to prepare for it. As with all EI claims, there is a two week waiting period. There is also an estimated one month processing time. I believe payment also occurs two weeks after the time on EI. i.e. if you started EI on the 15th of a month, the end of that month would be your two week no-payment waiting periods. Then you serve the first weeks you could receive EI payment. I believe the EI office then processes your claim, and you get paid two weeks later, or the end of the month after you first started your EI claim. Meaning for me, if the baby comes near the end of October, or even early November, I might not receive any EI until mid-December. I'm hoping I'll have enough to pay my minimums, I know I'll be running more calculations closer to the date, but most of that pay will be allocated to bills. Not Christmas.
I've always been big on buying Christmas presents early, usually starting in the fall. This helps out spread out the budget, and allow for the ton of unexpected expenses that always occur. This year, I think I'll have to find a way to squeeze all my Christmas shopping in before October. I'll have to revisit the budget I posted, and see if I can find another $20-50 a month to put towards my most important people. I'm sure those who love me will understand. I hope it doesn't come to that ;) I also wanted to go on a short vacation in August that I haven't decided how to fund, or if I can go.
I guess it's a good thing I won't be working in December as I think that understandably cuts about a dozen out of my "must buy for" list.
How do you budget for Christmas (or other holiday events) through the year? w much do you spend on gifts each year?
Why have I set October as my deadline?
I'm due to have a baby sometime that month. And while I live in a country that amazing provides unemployment during most of the first year, I still have to prepare for it. As with all EI claims, there is a two week waiting period. There is also an estimated one month processing time. I believe payment also occurs two weeks after the time on EI. i.e. if you started EI on the 15th of a month, the end of that month would be your two week no-payment waiting periods. Then you serve the first weeks you could receive EI payment. I believe the EI office then processes your claim, and you get paid two weeks later, or the end of the month after you first started your EI claim. Meaning for me, if the baby comes near the end of October, or even early November, I might not receive any EI until mid-December. I'm hoping I'll have enough to pay my minimums, I know I'll be running more calculations closer to the date, but most of that pay will be allocated to bills. Not Christmas.
I've always been big on buying Christmas presents early, usually starting in the fall. This helps out spread out the budget, and allow for the ton of unexpected expenses that always occur. This year, I think I'll have to find a way to squeeze all my Christmas shopping in before October. I'll have to revisit the budget I posted, and see if I can find another $20-50 a month to put towards my most important people. I'm sure those who love me will understand. I hope it doesn't come to that ;) I also wanted to go on a short vacation in August that I haven't decided how to fund, or if I can go.
I guess it's a good thing I won't be working in December as I think that understandably cuts about a dozen out of my "must buy for" list.
How do you budget for Christmas (or other holiday events) through the year? w much do you spend on gifts each year?
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